Just Batty

25 Aug

If you’re going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

Things have been a roller coaster ride lately. Up then down. Then back up. Then one of those downs that you have to let go of the roller coaster and try and get rid of the fear and enjoy the “look ma, no hands” moment.

Since last Wednesday – the 19th – I have been trying to get it together and write a post but I’ve had too much going on to even begin to think about turning on my home computer – it was a record that ended last night at a whopping 18 days.

Wednesday morning – back to the 19th – while I was getting ready to leave for work I set my hair straightener down on the bathroom sink and somehow hit the cord just right to send the iron flying through the air. My bathroom has barely 3 feet between the plug and the sink – situated on opposing walls – so I’ve knocked the iron off before and survived – but somehow, in a death defying leap I landed with the hair straightener around my foot, top and bottom. I have no idea how I didn’t burn the bottom of my foot, but that’s where saving grace ended. I got a whopping 1 inch by 3 inch burn on the top of my foot.

I went to workout as normal that evening and the pain was pretty minimal. I had already made an appointment for Thursday morning with the dermatologist to tell me how bad it was, but I was feeling pretty good and needed to clean up. So I decided to take a bath.

*chorus sings* MIS-TAAAAAAKE!!!!!

I put my right foot in and I screamed out loud. I jumped out and turned myself around. And – Oh hot damn did that hurt, and the water was barely even tepid. Lesson No. 1: Do not submerge a burn in water with a temperature above freezing.

After my dermatologist diagnosed my now swollen foot with a 2nd degree burn, he said I would need to keep it under wraps for a while. Past the point of blistering and even if the skin turns black. Wait. What?? My skin is going to turn black? (At that point I didn’t believe him, but a week later I consider a genuine possibility.)

After a bit of self-medication (only in moderation. I swear.) that evening, I started to doze on the couch. I have a nice couch. It’s big. It’s white. It’s an L-shape. It’s even a sleeper sofa. And I love it. I also had a candle burning. Needless to say dozing turned into 26 winks and I woke up to realize the tv and all the lights were still on, not to mention the candle. I turned everything off and blew out the candle and went to bed. The next morning I woke up to find that my reflection looked a bit different in the mirror than usual and that’s when I realized that, having fallen asleep while a candle with a lead wick burned black, my nostrils had taken some of the soot. Yuck.

And that’s when I started thinking. If my nose was black from the candle, what else was? And the answer was two white couch cushions, the base of the white couch cover, a white throw and a purple silk sweater. Damn. After a lot of washing, almost everything is back to normal. But that’s Lesson No. 2: Do not burn candles while self-medicating. Do not fall asleep while burning candles with untrimmed wicks.

Saturday was a fairly good day and I really felt like I was on the up and up. Joe and I got to shoot another lovely wedding at the Green Oaks Country Club. The photos turned out ridiculously well because – well, Joe is a pro, so of course they did – but the overlook portion of the golf club, over the Allegheny is In. Cre. Di. Ble.

After an evening of dancing and drinking – erm – photographing all that – I left Joe to head to my moms place. Armed with the directions and a full tank of gas, I missed the first lousy turn and ended up in New Kensington – she lives in Plum, total opposite direction – and then somewhere out near the Beaver Run Reservoir. Over an hour and a half of faulty driving only to learn that, at one point – after New Kensington but before Beaver Run Reservoir dueling banjo extravaganza – I was just two measily miles from where I was supposed to be. But the roads aren’t labeled well and it’s Pennsylvania. Lesson No. 3: No driving new routes after dark. E-V-E-R.

I was so frustrated by the time I got to my Mom’s place that pizza and M*A*S*H took longer to work than normal. I finally said screw it and got into a good mood. But then I woke up Sunday with a huge swollen foot. I could barely get my flip flop on. Yikes! The rest of sunday was fun but relatively normal – cupcake fiasco later – and Monday seemed like it was going to go off without a hitch.


Late in the evening, clearly past my bedtime, I was laying on my freshly cleaned couch trying to get drowsy by watching some late night show when out of the corner of my eye I saw something. Fly. Of course I freaked out until I realized it was a bat and then I just freaked out more.

I ran into the kitchen to grab a colander, which I now recognize as totally ridiculous, but when you see this:


doing figure eight death swoops in your living room late at night, you’ll grab just about anything that you can think of as a possibly sane implement to take the bugger down. I opened all the windows and hoped like hell that he flew out one while I wasn’t looking – and waiting for my rescuer! – but I stayed up til 4, completely expecting another death swoop. Lesson No. 4: When you’re going through hell, keep going.

So now, it’s Tuesday. And I’m really hoping that when I get home, I have no visitors. I’d like to sit and fold laundry. Maybe even put it away. I dunno. I don’t wanna do anything too crazy. Who knows, though. All these crazy things happening might just mean something good is on its’ way to me. Crossed fingers.

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