“Bat” Advice

30 Aug

I’m still a little leary about the bat encounter I had last week and am having trouble sleeping because of it. I keep thinking I hear it at night, while I’m trying to relax and – the thing is – I’m pretty sure he is still in my apartment, though I have no solid proof.

Late last night, after Allison’s Baby Shower Extravaganza, I was laying on the couch when I heard rustling in one of the bags by my living room door. On cue, I flipped out again, thinking the bat had returned to complete the second half of his Indy 500-esque death race around my living room. Normally I would have got myself up and run into the kitchen to grab my colander, but having been at the Baby shower for just under 12 hours, my foot – the burned one – was way too swollen to try and walk. And I’m talking swollen, step and scream-swollen.

During the party, one of the guests pointed out to me that it was a good thing I was in pain. Come again? Wincing, I asked, “How so?” He replied, “Well, if you can still feel it – the pain, I mean – it means there isn’t much nerve damage and you’ll heal!”

It seemed appropriate that a man would offer pain management advice while at a Baby shower with his own pregnant wife. He seemed like a very nice guy – actually talked with me for a bit and not at me – but I wonder what other pain advice pearls he’ll utter when his own wife is the one hurting, push and scream-hurting.

Meantime, I’m still looking for that damn bat – which, I’ve just found out, are popping up in Allegheny County homes. With Rabies. $#!@

Here’s what the ACHD recommends doing if you find a bat in your home:

When a bat is found, wear a pair of heavy-duty rubber gloves and place a container such as a large bowl or empty coffee can over it, slide a piece of cardboard underneath to trap the bat inside, cover the container with a lid or cap, and then submit the bat to the Health Department for testing.

Uh huh. If you find a bat in your house, I bet the first thing you grab is something you can swing to level the playing field and take away his gift of flight – not a pair of rubber gloves. But I would also like to point out that my colander would fit their description of a large bowl – and it’s got a handle to boot. Having read their entire press release about bats and their rabid saliva, I’m grabbing the dish yellows and my colander if he comes back for another qualifying lap of my living room.

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